Hey everyone! Been a while since I had 5 minutes to myself to head over here to post! I finally have a few minutes and wanted to share a life-changing moment that occurred this past weekend for me!
For those who know me, I had very long hair (pretty much to the bottom of my back). Last year one of my students, who is president of the American Cancer Society, Colleges Against Cancer club on-campus and a cancer survivor herself, asked me to donate my hair with her at this year’s annual Relay For Life. I agreed to it a year and a half ago and I couldn’t let her down! Well, on Saturday, April 8, 2017, I donated 10inches of my confidence to Pantene’s Beautiful Lengths to create wigs for those who have lost their hair due to cancer treatment.
Leading up to the day, I was actually really excited. It was long-awaited and I was ready to chop it off and start with a fresh cut! Finally, at approximately 1:00 am, it was my turn. I sat in the seat, asked her to show me where 10inches off would leave me, and said “go for it.” And there it went…10 inches of my protection, confidence, and security blanket. The hairdresser handed me a ponytail after ponytail to hold as she chopped each one off. After it was all done, I got up without having seen what I looked like and felt my hair. My heart started racing as I turned over my 6 ponytails of hair to the woman collecting and packaging them. 
I took a giant deep breath, left the gym, and took a walk by myself to the bathroom to look in the mirror and take it all in. I had a moment where I felt scared, empty, and naked. I knew the one thing I didn’t want to do was let people know I was uneasy, as those who lose their hair to cancer face many more struggles than me cutting my hair.
That night it took me a bit to come to terms with the fact that I had short hair, but as the rest of the night went on, I started to adjust and truly think more about how much I needed this experience to grow as a person and the amazing gift I had just given someone else. I realized that night that I relied on my hair as my self-esteem and used it as a mechanism for when I was nervous and wanted to hide from the world. It was long enough that I could easily put it in front of my face to go unnoticed. Well, let’s face it- that may not actually work, but to me, it felt like it did. It felt like it shielded me when I needed to hide.
Sunday afternoon, after getting my hair styled and fixed a bit, I was sitting in a bookstore with a coffee in one hand, feeling anxious and just thinking about whether I looked good with this style haircut and what I would play with when I got nervous and how I would hide my face when I wanted to go unnoticed. And then I thought about the feeling one must go through when they lose their hair due to chemo. The thought provoked tears and truly made me take a step back and evaluate life’s actual struggles and what is worth stressing about. The thought of the little girl or woman, who will gain self confidence and a sense of beauty in such a trying time of their life, due to my hair is life changing. I with I could see the girl or woman it goes to, I wish I could see the impact it will make on their life. Unfortunately, I cannot do so, but what they will face is incomparable to the uncomfortable feeling I may have faced.
This moment for me was not only extremely humbling, but is also forcing me to work on aspects of myself that have been brought to light through this experience. This is pushing me out of my comfort zone. It is pushing me to face life and not hide. To be confident with who I am regardless of the hair on my head. To push through a moment that feels scary. To feel grateful for all of the blessings I have around me.
To the little girl or woman who will one day share a very important piece of myself- I hope it makes you so incredibly happy, confident, and makes you feel like a supermodel. A rockstar. Makes you feel strong, Makes you feel beautiful. You will BEAT this! Theres nothing you can’t do and I hope that putting this wig on one day, brings you a little extra confidence to kick cancer to the curb.
Xoxox Kristin
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